Tag: Change

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What a Blanket Taught Me About My Heart

Have you heard of Pendleton Blankets? I hadn’t until a few weeks ago. Laura and I were at a regional pastors conference in Cannon Beach, OR. It was our first time to this conference and we met another couple who had been in this church association in the Pacific Northwest for about a year—just like us. While talking about places to see, the wife mentioned that Pendleton Blankets were made in Oregon. We hadn’t heard of them, so she told us how they are American-made wool blankets with creative designs that sell for $300 to $550 and are made by Pendleton Woolen Mills in Pendleton, OR. It’s a company that has a history in the Pacific Northwest—they’ve been making blankets since 1909, and they have a special niche for National Park blankets. Their Glacier National Park blanket began production in 1916. You’ve probably seen it on TV or in a movie.

It was an interesting conversation, but, honestly, I’ve never thought about the blankets we have in our house probably ever.  

We were driving home and serendipitously saw a Pendleton Outlet so we stopped. We saw the blankets (and shirts, coats, and sweatshirts, but especially the blankets). The sales lady offered to roll out any blanket we wanted. This is not the type of store where you can unroll a blanket yourself. We left the store without spending any money. That was a victory.

I don’t think I’ve ever coveted a blanket before. As long as it kept me warm, I’ve never given it a thought. My wife has wanted a particular duvet or quilt or bedspread because it fit the aesthetic she has created in a particular room, but that’s not really been of interest to me.

Until now. As we drove away I really, really wanted a Pendleton blanket. I settled on the Zion National Park one because I liked the colors, the simple design, and our family has visited that park.[1]I’ve since changed my mind and coveted another design. My heart got me again! When our kids were in our house, we visited lots of National Parks. I wanted that one, but I would have been “happy” with the Glacier NP or the Grand Canyon NP or even one of their other designs. I could see it nonchalantly tossed across our downstairs sectional, beckoning to be used on a cold winter night.

We had a several hour drive to get back home, and after I imagined how I would get one, I started to reflect. I went from never having heard of a Pendleton blanket to coveting one pretty quickly. Literally a fortnight ago I didn’t know they existed; 13 days ago I had to have one!

My heart, like yours, is discontent and covetous. Now maybe you’re still not tempted by Pendleton blankets. Good for you. But I know you have your custom designed desires too. I know this because James says so.

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. James 1:14 (NASB95)

“His own” translates the Greek word from which we get our English word, idiot. It doesn’t mean stupid in Greek. No, it means a person that goes their own way. James is saying that we have designer desires. Things that tempt us that don’t necessarily tempt others. Maybe you live for respect and affirmation more than your spouse does. Maybe you love custom cars. Lots of people couldn’t care less about custom cars. Maybe you like Pendleton blankets. Turns out I do.

And what’s amazing is my heart can go from apathetic/content to covetous in about 90 seconds. Jesus is good, but a Pendleton blanket seems even better. I know it’s silly, but that’s how my heart is wired by my sin. Yours is too.

Haven’t you heard about the accomplishment of a child in another family and suddenly you wanted your kid to accomplish that too? Maybe you never thought about your kid winning the Inter-Oregon Cheese Princess title before (I made it up), but now you want the acclaim that comes with having a Cheese Princess in the family. Only you’re saddled with a talentless kid that could never be a Cheese Princess. 😉

Or maybe another mother is relating the thoughtfulness of one of her children, and you want that same thoughtfulness to come from your own child. But your child isn’t that thoughtful. In fact, he seems especially selfish. He would never do what this other kid did, but now you want that. And you’re soon discontent with your child–you know, the one God gave you.

Or it’s a vacation in a location you never even heard of before but one of your Facebook friends posted her pictures, and now you can’t be content with going to Wisconsin again. I don’t know what your Pendleton blanket is—I didn’t even know what mine was until two weeks ago, but I know you will have one. You will be tempted. Your heart is wired for greed, for covetousness, just like mine. The only difference, according to James 1:14, is what we covet.

My heart is twisted. When I covet a Pendleton blanket, my heart doesn’t find satisfaction in what Jesus has already provided me. It doesn’t find satisfaction in Jesus. I forsake the fountain of living water and pursue a broken cistern that can’t hold any water (Jer 2:13).

Father, help me find satisfaction in Jesus. May my quickly covetous heart remind me that Jesus is better. May Pendleton blankets remind me that I have all I need in Jesus.

…In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalm 16:11a (NASB95)

References

References
↑1 I’ve since changed my mind and coveted another design. My heart got me again!
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Getting Hangry

My wife has accused me of getting hangry. I thought it was a more recent word, but its first recorded use was over 100 years ago. It’s an example of a portmanteau—a blending of two words to create a new word. It’s someone that gets irritated when they get hungry.

She sees it before I do, but I know when she sees it because in the midst of my “impassioned” words she says something like, “Well, let’s get you some lunch.” Which normally is not a response that would be expected to the topic of discussion. 😉 And, ironically, is sometimes something that I get angry about.

So… is my problem my hunger? I don’t normally eat breakfast, so I do get hungry by lunch. But is my problem hunger? Or is it that my hunger exposes my heart?

This is an actual picture of my wife and me having dinner in the ’50s. 😉

Pretty much anything Paul David Tripp writes I want to read. He communicates biblical truth so clearly and practically that all of us can understand it. This is never more true than in his 22-year-old book, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands. In preparing for a discussion group this week I read this quote again.

Why do people do the things they do? Is my problem fundamentally an informational one? Will a well-researched, logical set of insights provide the solution? Or is my problem fundamentally experiential? Will dealing with my past solve my problem? Is my problem fundamentally biological? Will helping me achieve chemical balance solve my problem? Or is there something beneath all these things that is more deeply wrong with me? Scripture’s answer to this last question is a clear, resounding, “Yes!”[1]Paul D. Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2002), 9.

And of course our problem is sin—sins done by us, done to us, and the effects of sin in our world. We are sinners and sufferers.

But what I love about this quote is how he addresses several popular models of counsel. Some think you just need the right information to change. If you just know certain things, you will be different. This is how our world thinks about the sin of racism. Just know that our differences are really only skin deep and you will treat that other person with kindness. And certainly information can help. There is no virtue in ignorance.

But racism is sin so just more information isn’t enough to change us. That actually diminishes our need of Jesus. We have to be changed by Him.

Or is your problem your past? Well biblical counselors believe that the past can influence your present. We’re not robots going through life unaffected by what we’ve experienced. We just don’t believe that Freud was right in putting all the emphasis on your past. That’s not where the action is according to Scripture. The action—why you do what you do—is in the heart (Mk 7:14-23).

Or is your problem medical? Do you struggle with life because your brain is wired wrong and needs some chemical intervention? Whether that’s helpful or not is a question for another blog, but that’s not your fundamental problem. Biology cannot make you sin. If it could, then why did Jesus need to die for you?

All of those (ignorance, experience, biology) are actually outside influences on your soul. They can influence you, but they cannot control your response of right or wrong. They can make obedience harder, but they don’t make it impossible.

Just like my hunger doesn’t make kindness impossible. It’s important that we realize our fundamental problem is sin. When we do, the gospel becomes more and more precious to us.

References

References
↑1 Paul D. Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2002), 9.
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Just Smile More

I was greeted in the dining hall line that day at Bible College by a friend who was smiling big. That was notable because she wasn’t really known for her smile. That’s not a criticism. Some people, like my wife, have a beautiful, sparkling smile that they share with everybody. [That’s her in this blog.] Others are more like me—I have to think about smiling. My resting face is a scowl. This friend’s smile was between my wife’s smile and my own. Maybe the reason we were friends is because we shared similar senses of cynicism and sarcasm.

But she was smiling brightly and told me why. “A friend told me that I needed to smile more and be happier and so I am.” I probably said something like, “Oh, sounds good” and we got our food. On the inside I might have been thinking, “good luck with that.”

I’ve thought about that simple exchange over 30 years ago just recently. Some Christians—I am one of them—have the tendency to mistakenly believe we can change ourselves with just the right amount of willpower. Not smiling enough? Just work at smiling more. Spending too much time on social media? Just stop it. You can do it. Struggling with pornography? You don’t need to tell anyone. You can defeat this on your own. And wouldn’t that be better than admitting your sin to a friend and asking for help?

We do need to put effort into our growth. The New Testament is clear on that.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Phil 2:12–13 (ESV)

Work out your salvation means to put effort into your growth; to work hard at change. But it’s always God’s work in you that actually results in your work making you more like Christ. 

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. 1 Cor 15:10 (ESV)

Paul gives us a grace sandwich. It was God’s grace—but he worked harder than anyone—but it was the grace of God. The lazy Christian is not a growing Christian. We have to work.

But you have never changed yourself. It is always the Spirit through Scripture that changes you. So if you’re struggling with a besetting sin, it’s better for you to pray more than to work more. Prayer shows dependence upon God. Of course you need to do both: pray and work. But it’s God’s work that makes your work effective. We don’t even want to change (Phil 2:13) unless God changes us. He has to give us even the desire to change (“to will and to work”).

Why is this so important? Why write a blog on a smile from 30 years ago? Because this view of sanctification emphasizes me and my work, not God and his work. It’s a gospel problem because the gospel doesn’t go far enough. It gives me a future, but I don’t really need it right now. I’m able, through my own willpower, to change myself. Not very happy; decide to be happy and presto, I smile more.

You and I need the gospel for our salvation, but also our sanctification. Your salvation should work out in your sanctification. The gospel changes you (2 Cor 5:17) and keeps changing you. Are you stuck? Don’t put on a big smile. Work hard and ask God to make your work effective.

I’ve written on imitations of biblical growth that aren’t real growth here.

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Encouraging Metrics of Spiritual Growth

One of the most glorious experiences as a parent is when you see your infant has discovered they have fingers. I saw that with at least one of my children and it’s just a fun, fascinating time. It’s the type of event that I wish I had recorded because it would be something I watch over and over. I recall the story of one parent that became concerned because her child hadn’t discovered his fingers yet, so she tied yarn to his wrists to help him find his hands. She later laughed at herself for this, and I can see why. I’ve never met an 18-year-old that doesn’t know he has fingers. 😉 They all discover that even if it takes some longer than others.

We can get concerned when our children don’t hit the developmental milestones right on time, and in some cases, that’s a cause for concern. But mostly we know that physical growth takes time. It’s not all or nothing. My one-year-old didn’t mow the lawn, and I didn’t expect him to. I just expected him to grow at more or less the normal rate, and I was encouraged with every small step of growth even though he wasn’t very useful around the house for a long time. It’s okay. Growth takes time.

In my ministry I’ve seen Christians that are discouraged at the pace of growth in their lives. They want to be done with their sin once and for all, but they keep struggling. They want to never struggle with sin again, and they look at spiritual growth as all or nothing. So they think If I struggle with this besetting sin at all, I’ve not grown at all. But that’s not really what growth looks like with most sins. Obviously you don’t wean yourself off of adultery, and you can’t excuse any episode of domestic violence. Those are two sins that have to stop completely, and they can. But for most common sins—besetting sins—growth is there, but it’s not complete absence of the sin. Growth is slow and hard—that’s why it’s called progressive sanctification.

Anger or worry are what I’ve used most to illustrate this encouraging metric, but you can think of covetousness, gossip, sinful sarcasm, discontentment, pornography, and many other sins. Let’s use worry.

So you’re a Christian that gives in to the temptation to worry and you know that’s sin. What does growth look like?

  • Less Severe Episodes of Worry

So you still worry, but it doesn’t keep you up all night. Or it doesn’t make you sick. You still worry too much, but your sin isn’t as debilitating as it once was. That’s growth. That’s improvement.

  • Fewer Episodes of Worry

Worry used to be a constant in your life. There were few waking hours when you weren’t worried about something. Now you can see times of peace and trust in God. You can now count episodes of worry where it used to be an unbroken constant. That’s growth.

  • Longer Distance Between Episodes of Worry

As you grow you, begin to see some daylight between the dark clouds of worry that seemed to dominate your life. Now you can have hours and even days between episodes of worry. You’re still worrying, but this is growth.

  • Shorter Episodes of Worry

Not only is your sinful worry less severe but each episode is shorter. You are applying truth more quickly and righting your soul faster. This is growth.

  • Quicker Confession and Repentance of Worry

Previously maybe you didn’t even confess because you didn’t think it was sin. You thought worry was just something that came over you because of your circumstances. Or you imagined that your personality made you worry. Now, you see it as sin, and while you might be more susceptible to that temptation because of outside influences (e.g., past experiences, family, personality), you don’t excuse it. You realize the truth of Mark 7:20-23 that when you are squeezed, what comes out of you comes from you—your heart. You more quickly get to confession and repentance. This is growth.

  • Increasing Occasions When You Don’t Worry at All

You faced five situations this past week where you would normally worry, but you only worried on four of them. That’s victory! That’s growth! You actually had an occasion when you would have normally worried, but you didn’t have any worry in your heart. This is good. And those occasions increase. You have more and more times when you don’t worry now like you would have before.

This is what God’s grace to change looks like.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18 (ESV)

“From one degree of glory to another” means from one degree of growth to another. It’s progressive. It takes time. It does happen slowly and even that slow growth as described above should be encouraging to you.

You can apply this to other besetting sins like anger, covetousness, and with a few adaptations, even viewing pornography.  

Any consumption of porn is sin just like any worry is sin (Phil 4:6). But is the only way to measure growth the complete absence of worry? Or the complete absence of porn? We should never be satisfied until porn is completely eradicated in a counselee’s life, but growth is measured before that. If you have an all-or-nothing perspective on growth, you will be more discouraged than encouraged. Maybe you’re not as defeated as you think you are. Maybe spiritual fruit is actually growing in your life even if it’s not what it should be yet. Notice the fruit and be encouraged. Press on.

We can be dissatisfied with our present growth AND encouraged at the same time. We are always reaching for more, but we simultaneously look back and see evidence of the Spirit’s work too. Any step in the right direction is enabled by the Spirit—and we praise him for it.

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. Romans 8:13 (ESV)

Growth takes time, but there are evidences of growth long before your growth is complete. Rejoice in God’s gracious, slow, but inevitable work in you. Maybe this is exactly what you need today… or what a friend needs.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6 (ESV)
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What King David and Philemon have in Common

A friend of mine started a church in Canada years ago that God blessed with many conversions. It became over 500 hundred attenders that were mostly new believers. Laura and I were able to do two marriage conferences there over the years, and it was so encouraging to see how teachable and hungry the people were. Often what we taught was the first time they had ever heard it, and they just assumed that if the Bible says that, they need to obey it. It was so much fun.

This same pastor friend said that one time they started a small group for men struggling with pornography. Again, lots of new believers who don’t know how church is done. They don’t know they are supposed to pretend they don’t struggle with lust. The church announced it and put a sign up on the church bulletin board and MEN SIGNED UP! I cannot imagine that happening in the churches I’ve known. Most Christians are way too private about their spiritual lives, and especially their spiritual failures. Would men sign up at your church where others could see their names?

I’ve been thinking about two passages in the Bible that seem to have a commonality that I never noticed before. Psalm 51 is a familiar psalm that we recognize as David’s song of repentance after his sin with Bathsheba. I’ve read it many times for my own soul’s benefit, and I’ve pointed others to it to encourage repentance.

But recently I thought about it as an example of David’s transparency about a major failure. The superscription says David wrote it after Nathan came to him after he had gone in to Bathsheba. The superscription is not subtle—it doesn’t say that David wrote this after some general failure in his life, but it specifically tells us and anyone who has read it over the years that it was David’s sin with Bathsheba—his adultery and murder.

That is incredibly transparent. We don’t like to admit our failures in specific, and David does here. Think about this: David intended this to be sung about his sin. He didn’t just admit it to a few trusted friends. He wrote a song about it. Why was King David so honest in his confession? Well he was clearly more concerned with repentance than covering up. It’s one reason we know his repentance was genuine.

The second passage was in Philemon where Paul appeals on behalf of the converted slave, Onesimus. In verse 2 Paul says that this letter was also written to Aphia, who was probably Philemon’s wife, and Archippus. Now who is Archippus? He most likely was a church leader either at Colosse or Laodicea.

See what Paul has done? He knew how Philemon should respond to his runaway slave, Onesimus, now that Onesimus is saved and growing. He wanted Philemon to forgive Onesimus. He even claims that he could have commanded Philemon to do this, but he wanted Philemon to do it on his own, not from compulsion (verses 8-9).

But Paul does apply some good pressure on Philemon to choose forgiveness, and one way he does that is by including Archippus as a recipient of the letter. Archippus would know how Paul appealed to Philemon. So this decision wasn’t just between Paul, Philemon, and even Onesimus (who probably brought the letter), but also included Archippus.

Philemon might have liked to consider this by himself, but Paul doesn’t allow that.

The connection between these two passages is transparency. David chose to be honest and open about his sin—can’t get much more open than writing a song about it. And Philemon was forced to be open and honest about his need to forgive Onesimus.

Your spiritual life is not yours alone. The entire church is invested. You should welcome opportunities to be honest about your struggles with sin. That encourages and edifies others and it leads you to humility—always a needed virtue (Jam 4:6). And you should welcome the intrusion of other believers who help you see your sin and plead with you to change. Just-Jesus-and-you Christianity is not biblical Christianity.

I want my church to be full of people that are not hiding their sin. I want them to be so secure in their identity in Christ that they don’t care what others know about them. And I want my church to be full of Christians that are willing, like Paul, to encourage each other to please God. And if I’m going to have a church like that, I need model that in my relationships. A step towards honesty and transparency feels risky, but it is a good step—just look at King David and Philemon.