“I Don’t Deserve This”

How do I know if I am self-righteous? I’m concerned with Christian counselees that are focused on their own good deeds, but don’t realize it. For this blog I’m defining self-righteousness as the belief that I have earned some favor with God through my behavior, character, thoughts, or deeds. So how would I know if I’m self-righteous? What would one symptom be?

There might be a few tests, but one is this: do you believe you don’t deserve your past or present suffering? Let me clarify. I’m not saying that if you were sinned against by another person, that you must agree that you deserved that from them. “Kraig, my friend betrayed me and stabbed me in the back. I didn’t do anything to them. I didn’t deserve that.” Yes, on a human scale—peer-to-peer—there are things that we don’t deserve. That happens all the time. A husband may yell at his family when it’s completely unprovoked. An employer may fire you just because he can and you didn’t deserve that. You could even be accused of a crime and go through the court system when you are not guilty.

But if you look at your past or present trials and believe that you don’t deserve them, then you are probably self-righteous. Here’s why I believe I can say that. In order to think that you don’t deserve what has been providentially brought into your life, you must believe also that you have lived in a way that deserves better from God. You are living by a spiritual formula that says good Christians don’t suffer the way you’re suffering. You’re a good Christian, so God owes you the easy, blessed life. God has disappointed you.

But that’s incorrect. What do each of us deserve because of our sin? We deserve hell. Isn’t anything less than hell—even suffering and trials—better than what we deserve? So God owes you nothing. And God has given you a lot! He’s already given you everything in Christ. You have all spiritual blessings in Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, Eph 1:3 (NASB95)

Any good, and I mean any good thing in your life has come from God.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. Jam 1:17 (NASB95)

So he’s given you a lot of good that you don’t deserve. You cannot plead that you don’t deserve this or that suffering.

Now maybe you object that King David seemed to plead with God in several psalms that he didn’t deserve what he was facing. It does seem that way. But I think we find that David pleads for God’s mercy. Mercy by definition is undeserved.

David pleaded God’s mercy after his adultery with Bathsheba. Of course this is David’s psalm of repentance so he was acknowledging his sin. He knew he didn’t deserve God’s mercy.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Psalm 51:1 (ESV)

But we see other examples of David pleading for mercy. David prayed for God’s mercy when he fled from Saul. He didn’t claim that he didn’t deserve this since he was God’s servant and therefore God should change his circumstances. No, he asked God for mercy.

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. Psalm 57:1 (ESV)

In Psalm 86 David prays for God’s mercy.

But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth. Turn to me, and be gracious to me; Oh grant Your strength to Your servant, And save the son of Your handmaid. Psalm 86:15–16 (NASB95)

David seems to do both in this psalm: point out he deserves help and also pray for mercy.

Preserve my soul, for I am a godly man; O You my God, save Your servant who trusts in You. Be gracious to me, O Lord, For to You I cry all day long. Psalm 86:2–3 (NASB95)

So David claims he is a godly man, but he also asks God for grace. His godliness didn’t mean he was undeserving of his circumstances. He knew he needed God’s mercy, and he asked for it.

Jeremiah hoped in God’s mercy after describing his own suffering in poetic detail.

This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lam 3:21–23 (NASB95)

Can you ask God to end your trial? Of course you can. But we don’t demand anything from God as if we deserve better than what we’re facing. We cannot make that claim. Thankfully God is abundantly merciful, and it’s his mercy we plead when we pray, not our deserving better circumstances.

So if your regular thought has been how you deserve better than what you’ve experienced, maybe you’re self-righteous. At least consider that you might be. And if so, you should repent of your self-righteousness. It’s better to plead God’s mercy anyway. His compassions fail not Jeremiah tells us. His mercies are renewed every morning. And we can come confidently to him and ask for mercy. Confidently?! Yes, confidently!

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:16 (NASB95)