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April 30, 2023May 1, 2023

Playing with a Tiger

How Does Sin Deceive?

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13 (ESV)

Siegfried and Roy made careers out of performing with their white tigers for the entertainment of Las Vegas tourists. And they were unique in that these were dangerous wild animals, and the audience wasn’t separated from these big cats. They performed thousands of times with 1500 people in the audience without incident until a show in 2003 when Roy was mauled and carried off stage by one of the tigers. He never performed again. You can treat tigers like pets, and they certainly did have amazing success with them for decades, but they were still wild animals. Watching the show an audience member could probably have believed that they were just big, impressive house pets. But they were not.

Sin is like that wild tiger.

I was counseling a man once, and I spent some time in Hebrews 3:13 talking about how our sin deceives us. We need other believers to help us see what we cannot see. He asked why I thought to talk on this, and I told him it’s because his sin deceives him (and my sin deceives me). It’s a regular occurrence for us, and realizing it helps unmask it.

What makes sin’s deception worse is you also conspire with your sin. Your sin is not some outside enemy trying to breach the walls of your heart. It’s in your heart, and you like to live in darkness. We are natural-born hiders. We love having a reputation that we don’t deserve. We love pretending we’re something we are not. So your sin deceives you, but it often has a willing accomplice in you.

So how does our sin deceive us? The author of Hebrews claims it does and that we need other Christians to help us see it. In fact, we need their intervention on a daily basis. But what does that deception look like? Hebrews 3:13 doesn’t get specific, but I believe there are several ways that sin deceives us.

Your Sin Deceives You About Its Existence

You sin in ways that you don’t even know. There are things that are sin in your life, but you don’t know they are there yet. We’ve probably all had this experience when reading God’s Word or hearing a sermon in church—our eyes are opened by the Holy Spirit to a sin that we never saw before. It reminds me of Psalm 19.

Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Psalm 19:12 (ESV)

We have hidden faults that are hidden from us. Sin is happy to hide in plain sight in our lives. It’s happy to hide in the dark in our lives. Sin just loves to hide and make us believe that it’s not there at all.

Your Sin Deceives You About Its Extent

Sin lies to you. Even when you see your sin, your sin is working to deceive you. It’s only admitting what you see. It’s saying, “Nothing else to see here. Keep walking.” So you see your problem with authority at work, but you don’t see it in how you ignore city ordinances about your yard. You are aware of your selfishness in serving around the home, but you don’t see it in your lack of financial generosity. You see how your fear of man has kept you from sharing the gospel, but you don’t see how it has kept you from ministry in the church. You see how your anxiety has made you sick, but you don’t see how it has led you to doubt God’s goodness.

The sin that you do see is far more pervasive and extensive than you know. Your sin has roots throughout your heart. Sin deceives you.

Your Sin Deceives You About Its Seriousness

We downplay our sin. I don’t believe that my sin is that serious. Yours probably is, but I’ve got mine under control.

Sin is always serious. Jesus had to die for it. God’s wrath was justly applied to Jesus for your sin. That means that your light besetting sin is not something that doesn’t matter. It does. And it’s our familiarity with certain sins that probably leads us to downplay how severe they are. If there is an eternal penalty for it, it’s not a mild thing. Sin hides in plain sight by pretending to be docile and meek when it’s actually deadly.

Your sin wants you to think it’s no big deal. Let it live a while longer. Play with it. No! John Owen was right when he said, “Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you.” You need to kill it. It is serious.

Your Sin Deceives You About Its Effects or Consequences

This is an especially popular lie of sin in an age when we believe that our sin only affects us. If it’s a private sin, then what harm is it actually doing? The young person soaking up pornography night after night doesn’t see how it distorts his view of people. He no longer loves his neighbor, he only lusts after his neighbor. The husband who silently stews over offenses rather than yelling doesn’t think that the silent treatment harms his family relationships, but it does. His wife and children live fearful and wondering why dad is so mad. Many marriages have seen a creeping distance develop because one or both spouses didn’t think this or that sin was that important. They weren’t relentless in killing sin.

And where sin most lies to us about its effects is in our relationship with God. Our sin pushes us away from intimacy with the One who created us.

If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. Psalm 66:18 (ESV)

Our sin lets us pretend that everything is fine with God when it is absolutely not fine. This is why some that quit attending church during Covid have said “I’m doing better spiritually now than I was when I was attending church.” That’s not possible (Heb 10:25), but sin is a deceiver. It makes you believe that your sin has had no effect on your closeness with God.

Your Sin Deceives You About Its Danger

This is where sin is most like playing with a wild animal. It’s as if we’re all playing with full grown tigers. Just because the tiger hasn’t turned on us yet doesn’t meant it’s not dangerous. It doesn’t mean it’s not deadly.

The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. Prov 5:22 (ESV)

I’ve always imagined sewing thread being wrapped around us one strand at a time as a picture of Prov 5:22. Sure three, four, maybe even eight strands I can break. But even sewing thread wrapped around you enough times will bind you. That’s the danger of sin. It lets you believe that you’re in control while it slowly strangles you. When you finally realize it, it could be too late.

Jesus in his Sermon on the Mount said,

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. ³⁰And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. Matthew 5:29–30 (ESV)

Your sin is so dangerous according to Jesus, that it requires radical steps to deal with it.

Your sin lies to you. And here’s a prime example of its deception. It’s when you read this entire blog, and you think of others that need to hear this. Not you. You don’t need this, but that other Christian you’re thinking of does.

Is there some sin that you’ve been playing with? Have you been deceived?

God wants you to be holy (1 Peter 1:14-16). Sin is serious. It’s not a trifling matter. Put your sin to death. Kill it or it will kill you.

April 3, 2023

Teaching or Relational Pastor, Which Are You?

Some wag said that there are two types of people in the world, those that divide people into two types and those that don’t. I guess I’m the former. Every pastor has strengths and weaknesses. Lately, one way I’ve been dividing them into two types is that some pastors are great in content and others are great relationally. Content pastors are better at teaching. Relational pastors are better at shepherding.

One of my best friends since college is so gifted relationally. There is no one at his church that doesn’t like him. He’s not a people-pleaser—far from it. He’s just really good at loving people. That is where I work at growing. I can turn it on for a while, but not indefinitely. Because I believe I’m supposed to love people (2^nd Great Commandment), I do intentionally move towards people, but it’s tiring for me. My friend is energized by people.

Teaching and preaching are what I am wired to do. I love the study. I don’t have to push myself to study for my sermon. It is hard, but it’s not something that I delay or procrastinate. When I was a pastor, I most often started work on my sermon on Monday. But I might procrastinate seeking out the member whose need is real, but not urgent.

I wonder if the pastors that plagiarize their sermons are relational pastors? That’s a real thing in the age of Google, which I find astounding. Some pastors steal the sermons of others and present it as their own material. Why? Maybe there’s always another person to shepherd. They always have time for people. They move towards people while the study desk gathers dust.

I prefer the study.

I tend to be driven by my schedule and to do list, and the biggest thing on my to do list every week as a pastor was being ready to preach on Sunday. When I was an assistant pastor, my senior pastor poked his head in my office and said, “Kraig, people aren’t an interruption to the ministry; they are the ministry.” I think about that often. You don’t shepherd from the pulpit. You have to be with the sheep. I have to be with the sheep.

The extremes of this dichotomy are probably not true for any pastor. There are shades of in between where we all live. But which one are you drawn toward? Do you find it easy to be with people? Would you rather go for coffee than shut yourself up in your study? Or do you love the preparation for the public ministry of the Word?

If teaching is your strength, you probably need to intentionally move towards people. If relationships are your strength, you probably need to purposely move towards the study. Thinking about your weakness will help your ministry have better balance.

February 9, 2023February 9, 2023

The Happiest Place on Earth!

Disneyland in California has had the slogan of “The Happiest Place on Earth” for years. I’ve never visited Disneyland, but we took our kids to Disney World twice. The first time was when three were in elementary school, and one was in junior high. If you’ve been to a theme park before, you know that you don’t have to wait very long for a child within hearing distance to have a meltdown. On this particular visit whenever we would hear a child losing it around us, I would lean over and whisper in my wife’s ear, This is the happiest place on earth. I thought it was pretty funny, but my wife didn’t seem to agree.

I think about the theological implications of that slogan once in a while. Disney is selling the perfect circumstances to young parents. Imagine you could take your children to a place where everything is carefully curated, presented, and always exactly right. Wouldn’t your children have the best time possible? Well, every screaming child proves that slogan wrong.

Turns out better circumstances don’t make a better me. The Bible tells us this.

The Perfect Environment Didn’t Prevent Sin (Gen 3:6)

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Gen 3:6 (ESV)

Adam and Eve had the best circumstances ever—far better than anything that Disney can offer—and sin still intruded. So if Adam and Even sinned in the Garden of Eden, then there must be something fundamentally wrong with us—not our environment—that produces sin. And that’s exactly what Scripture teaches.

Your Desires Are Insatiable (Prov 27:20; 30:15-16)

Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, and never satisfied are the eyes of man. Prov 27:20 (ESV) The leech has two daughters: Give and Give. Three things are never satisfied; four never say, “Enough”: Sheol, the barren womb, the land never satisfied with water, and the fire that never says, “Enough.” Prov 30:15–16 (ESV)

Our lusts can never be fed enough even when we’re only a few years old. So Disneyland with it’s helpful employees and amazing rides and fun shows cannot satisfy the heart of a five year old—or a 35 year old! All of us want more even after we’ve been given more. What does a child say after opening the last Christmas present? “Is that all?” or “Is there any more?” That child might be more honest about his insatiable desires, but I have them too. “Give and Give” are in my heart; they’re in your counselees’ hearts as well.

What’s Inside of Us Is More Important than What’s Around Us (Mk 7:20-23)

And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” Mark 7:20, 23 (ESV)

I really want to believe that if my circumstances were different, I would be different. But it’s just not true. What is going on inside of me is more significant than what is happening around me or to me. No circumstance can guarantee my happiness if my heart is wired for more: more lust, more stuff.

This is a very persuasive lie—that better circumstances would make me better. It shows up in the spouse who imagines that being married to a different person would make him different. It is in the heart of the pastor who dreams that a different church would display his Christlikeness so much easier. It is in the heart of the teenager that believes that she would not respond with anger if she had someone else’s parents. It’s a convincing untruth.

It’s easy to believe this about my own heart, but it’s also easy to believe about my counselees. I will hear terrible stories of tragic sin that make me want to rescue this person. And sometimes I think rescue equals fixing their circumstances.^[1]Certainly there are some situations that require immediate intervention: abuse, suicidal ideation, potential criminality, etc. In those cases immediate help is getting the oppressed out of those … Continue reading But most often a person’s greatest need is being rescued from their sin. They need help to please Christ in the middle of their circumstances.

The Happiest Place on Earth? Well it can be anywhere that your heart is satisfied with Christ. Daydreaming about changed circumstances won’t lead to happiness. A changed heart can.

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness. Psalm 17:15 (ESV)

References[+]

References
↑1	Certainly there are some situations that require immediate intervention: abuse, suicidal ideation, potential criminality, etc. In those cases immediate help is getting the oppressed out of those circumstances.

January 31, 2023

Is Separation Appropriate in Cases of Emotional/Verbal Abuse?

One of the most difficult questions I face when counseling an emotionally abused woman is whether or not she should temporarily separate from her husband. More conservative evangelicals are suggesting that abuse counts as abandonment or desertion of the marriage or that it’s a third reason for divorce besides adultery and abandonment, but it’s not a slam dunk debate.^[1]Denny Burk and His book, What is the Meaning of Sex? Page 135. Wayne Grudem and a second article specifically including verbal abuse. David Schuman, Russell Moore, and Darby Strickland, Is It Abuse?: … Continue reading All counselors, secular and Christian, recommend separation when physical abuse is alleged, but because of our high view of marriage, it’s a more difficult question for biblical counselors.

Consider two Scripture passages.

Romans 12:18 (ESV) If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Proverbs 22:3 (ESV) The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

It’s not always possible to live peaceably with someone, and a prudent person gets away from evil. They hide. These verses aren’t specifically on marriage, but they speak to the realities of some marriages. Some wives no matter how hard they try cannot live peaceably with their abuser. He won’t allow it. And in those cases, even if only for verbal assaults, it may be prudent for her to get away from the danger.

Some counselors that work through the difficulty of this question claim that the safety of the victim is more important than maintaining the marriage. Diane Langberg says, “We have misled people with our very narrow, limited interpretation of what God hates. We respond as if God hates the dissolution of a marriage but can tolerate abuse, harshness, manipulation, and threats in a relationship that is meant to look like his relationship to his bride!”^[2]Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2020), 95. Darby Strickland, “The Littlest Victims” CCEF National Conference … Continue reading Is the sanctity of marriage more important to you than the safety of the wife and children?^[3]Al Miles, Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know (Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press, 2000), 68.

I don’t believe advocating divorce in these circumstances is what a biblical counselor should do, but a temporary separation can be helpful. John Piper says, “Let me say at the outset that I am aware—painfully aware—that there are sins that spouses commit against each other that can push forbearance and forgiveness across the line into the assisting of sin and may even warrant a redemptive separation—I choose the words carefully: a redemptive separation.”^[4] John Piper, This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2009), 53.

But, it’s not a simple decision especially when considering emotional abuse where no physical or sexual abuse has been alleged. However, verbal abuse can be as destructive as physical abuse. Bethlehem Baptist has developed a statement on domestic abuse that sees an equivalence between four types of abuse:

We, the council of elders at Bethlehem Baptist Church, are resolved to root out all forms of domestic abuse (mental, emotional, physical, and sexual) in our midst. This destructive way of relating to a spouse is a satanic distortion of Christ-like male leadership because it defaces the depiction of Christ’s love for his bride. The shepherds of Bethlehem stand at the ready to protect the abused, call abusers to repentance, discipline the unrepentant, and hold up high the stunning picture of how much Christ loves his church.^[5]Jason Meyer, “Fooled by False Leadership,” Bethlehem Baptist Church, April 25/26, 2015

More Christians are recognizing the devastation that verbal/emotional abuse cause. They recognize that sometimes it’s necessary for the victim to get away from the perpetrator. Indeed, it may be the prudent decision.

John 2:24 (ESV) But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people

Jesus has done miracles in Jerusalem during the Passover, and some have believed in His name (2:23). Not saving faith, but some type of belief in his healing powers. But Jesus doesn’t entrust himself to them. As D.A. Carson says, “Unlike other religious leaders, he cannot be duped by flattery, enticed by praise or caught off-guard in innocence.”^[6]D.A. Carson, The Gospel According to John (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1991), 184. So Jesus doesn’t give the benefit of the doubt when he knows that is misplaced. Jesus doesn’t put himself in their care. Brad Hambrick says of this verse, “Jesus was exceedingly gracious but no doormat.”^[7]Brad Hambrick, Making Sense of Forgiveness: Moving from Hurt toward Hope (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2021), 18. By telling women to go back to their abusive husband, are we encouraging them to be doormats for further abuse?

In an article specifically addressing verbal abuse Leslie Vernick, a Christian counselor, says,

Why would we advise a woman or man who is being emotionally abused that he or she must stay in their marriage because being pummeled by words is not serious enough to justify a biblical separation? If this same person were being regularly pummeled by fists or stabbed by their spouse, most pastors and church leaders would not only allow for biblical separation, they’d advise it.^[8]Leslie Vernick, “Is Emotional Abuse Ever Grounds for Biblical Separation?,” accessed April 7, 2015, www.leslievernick.com.

Separation is a no-brainer when talking about the physically or sexually violent spouse; I think most, if not all, pastors would agree. However, many pastors would not encourage a temporary separation for verbal abuse like I’m suggesting. One reason might be that they really don’t think verbal abuse is all that serious or that it’s as destructive to the husband-wife relationship as it really is. However, it really is devastating to a wife. Many victims claim that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. Physical bruises heal, but verbal wounds last a lot longer.

I believe that a temporary separation in cases of verbal abuse can be a wise, prudent, and biblical action. And I believe it has at least two benefits.

It Can Help the Abuser See His Sin.

It seems to take some extreme event before an abuser wakes up and realizes how awful his sin is. For physical abuse or sexual abuse that event could include arrest (legal consequences can wake him up). For emotional abuse that event could be church discipline and/or separation (often the wife walking out is what drives the abuser to seek help).

The husband’s response to separation is typically surprise because he sees separation as going from 0 to 60 in three seconds. “How did we end up at a temporary separation?” he says. “It seems so sudden.” But that’s because at 10, 20, 30, 40, and 50 miles per hour he wasn’t paying attention. He never understood how damaged his marriage was. He always thought his wife was overplaying it. He is characteristically blind, and when separation is the obvious next step to protect her and wake him up, he thinks it’s the first step. That’s because he hasn’t been paying attention to all the other steps.

The fog of a verbal abuser’s sin is so thick that it seems a dramatic step is needed to clear it away. Verbally abusive Christian husbands often don’t get serious about their sin—in fact they don’t even see it—until their wives leave the home for a period of time. Until then the husband goes through the motions of getting help and participating in counseling, but he really believes that his sin isn’t that bad and his wife is more at fault.

Leslie Vernick says, “At other times, separation may be implemented as a severe consequence for certain sinful behavior. As a Christian counselor I do not say this lightly. Yet at times this is the only gift of love that convinces a spouse to consider his or her destructive behaviors seriously.”^[9]Leslie Vernick, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong (Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press, 2001), 178.

It Can Help the Victim Exit a Fog of Confusion.

A wife that is so confused she cannot make decisions or cannot understand truth is often indicative of emotional abuse. An abuser gaslights his wife so that the victim is in a state of confusion, and he controls and keeps her from family and friends. Her world gets shrunk down to just her husband.

The victim’s confusion is frustrating to those around her, including you as a friend or counselor. You will point her to God’s Word, but she will seem to be in a fog. Even the most sensible suggestions will be difficult for her to process. She cannot seem to make the most basic decision for her safety. It’s pretty amazing how long term abuse can disorient a woman.

Separation can help lift this fog. You can actually see pretty significant improvement in her understanding and decision-making when she no longer is under his verbal assaults.

I pray God gives you wisdom if you are experiencing verbal abuse (I’ve written on it here and here). But I especially hope that if you are helping someone that is being emotionally abused, you at least consider the help a temporary separation could offer. It’s easier to send her back to her abuser, but she’s the one that has to live there. Are you really expecting her to endure it?^[10]Brad Hambrick has an excellent blog where while talking about a safety plan, he defines the types of separation.

References[+]

References
↑1	Denny Burk and His book, What is the Meaning of Sex? Page 135. Wayne Grudem and a second article specifically including verbal abuse. David Schuman, Russell Moore, and Darby Strickland, Is It Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2020), 41.
↑2	Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2020), 95. Darby Strickland, “The Littlest Victims” CCEF National Conference 2019, Friday, October 11, 2019. And Darby A. Strickland, Is It Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2020), 127.
↑3	Al Miles, Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know (Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press, 2000), 68.
↑4	John Piper, This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2009), 53.
↑5	Jason Meyer, “Fooled by False Leadership,” Bethlehem Baptist Church, April 25/26, 2015
↑6	D.A. Carson, The Gospel According to John (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1991), 184.
↑7	Brad Hambrick, Making Sense of Forgiveness: Moving from Hurt toward Hope (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2021), 18.
↑8	Leslie Vernick, “Is Emotional Abuse Ever Grounds for Biblical Separation?,” accessed April 7, 2015, www.leslievernick.com.
↑9	Leslie Vernick, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong (Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press, 2001), 178.
↑10	Brad Hambrick has an excellent blog where while talking about a safety plan, he defines the types of separation.

January 9, 2023

In Praise of a Godly Layman, Gary Riegel, upon His Death

Just before Christmas, on December 22^nd, Gary Riegel, my father-in-law, entered glory and saw his Savior—faith became sight. It was an outcome we had been praying for because we were certain of his genuine salvation. His death after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis was quick–less than a year, but it was also God’s mercy.

Gary was born in Cody, Wyoming and spent most of his growing up years there, but spent most of his life in Laramie, Wyoming. The move was necessary, and there is a story behind it.

Gary’s father, Ted, was a sniper for the Marines in World War II, and he fought in the Island-hopping campaigns of the South Pacific. It’s hard for us to imagine how stressful and dangerous this necessary service was. One night, so the story goes, the pressure broke Ted’s good friend, Francis. He started making noise that was going to give away their position, so Ted had to shoot his friend. That’s the story the family has told; it seems the type of thing that could happen in war. What we know for sure is that Francis died, and Ted named his only child, Gary Francis Riegel, in his buddy’s memory.

What Ted experienced in the war changed him. He came back and ever after struggled with drinking. Gary’s early years were years of consistent disappointment. He loved his dad, but his dad was trapped by his own sin.

One example suffices. He promised Gary he would take him fishing. They drove off, and his dad said he needed to make a quick stop at a bar. He left Gary in the truck and went inside, and probably thought he would only be inside for a single drink, but he stayed there for hours. His young son finally got tired of waiting, got out of the truck, and walked home. Disappointments like that were normal for Gary as he grew up.

Ted was spending so much on alcohol that there wasn’t enough to buy groceries, so his wife made the tough decision of separating from him and moving to Laramie. Martha, Gary’s mom, never divorced his dad, but she never lived with him again. Even though they were separated, she loved him, and never said anything critical about him.

Martha had never heard the gospel until her brother-in-law and sister-in-law shared it with her. She was gloriously saved and through her witness, Gary trusted Christ too. He graduated from Laramie High in 1967 and married his teenage bride, Grace. Many marriages that start that early don’t last, but Gary and Grace were married over 45 years until her death.

They had nothing at the beginning; they were poor. But Gary and Grace always had their four children in church. They were of the generation that came every time the doors were open, and the doors were open a lot.

Gary started a body shop in 1976 that his oldest son owns today. Eventually the business grew and Gary and Grace had some extra room in their budget. Gary was a generous man with what God had given him. He supported several students at Bible college through the years, and he did it anonymously. He wanted them to believe that they could trust God for their needs. He supported his church at a generous level, and also supported missionaries, camp ministries, and many family members and friends. He used what God had blessed him with to bless others.

He was a godly layman for his entire adult life. He pursued Christ wholeheartedly. He was the first to volunteer when a ministry needed some physical labor. One of my youngest son’s memories is his grandpa taking him to a Christian camp in Wyoming and the two of them working on a building crew all week. That was Gary Riegel. When Laura and I were young marrieds and bought our first house, Gary would come out to North Carolina and put up a fence or build a small deck or whatever we needed. He was a servant. Through the years he served his small church as a deacon and also as treasurer.

Christ’s work in Gary’s life became increasingly evident. Like many of his generation, he didn’t have a lot of time for his children when they were young; he was always working. But he grew in Christ and made time for his adult children, their wives, and his grandkids. He was being sanctified.

My father-in-law was my go to guy for advice on cars, houses, and well… anything that required being handy. He patiently helped me. It was only a few years ago that I realized how merciful God had been to me through my in-laws. People make jokes about conflict with in-laws, and as a pastor I saw in-law situations that were very difficult. But Grace and Gary were a joy to me. They were kind and generous and humble. Gary was a godly father-in-law. Using his name in this blog is a bit jarring because I simply called him Dad.

When he retired, he and his wife would often start the day by listening to a sermon on the radio and talk about what they learned. They read God’s Word together. Grace died in 2014; they had a marriage that glorified God. Gary married Susan, and they were married until his death. She was a wonderful Christian woman whose husband had died a few years earlier.

Gary Riegel was a good man because Jesus saved him decades ago. He wasn’t naturally good. He was the only child of a drunk father, raised by his mother alone, and he married too young. Life was stacked against Gary, but he became a new creation when he trusted Christ as his Savior (2 Cor 5:17). Jesus takes rebels and makes them good through Christ’s righteousness. I’m thankful for my father-in-law’s salvation; he made some missteps as we all do, but he pursued Jesus with all his heart. When he could no longer remember his family members, he could still sing Amazing Grace–the grace of God that he never got over. He left a legacy where his grandkids can see God’s goodness. I hope my kids will remember their grandpa, be thankful, and pursue Christ like he did.